Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Why Do I Even Have A Dog?

Why do I even have a dog, I was thinking a few minutes ago as I was dosing out on the deck? Good question I say to myself, as my life only a few days ago was rather simple & untethered for us. I thought about that after I took that power nap. I was up at 6:30am today, really that was a bit of a sleep-in break, the previous mornings I was up closer to 6. I knew what it was, what it's all about, at least some of it. I never wanted to be completely untethered, that isn't me. From a young age I've always been responsible for someone other than myself, be it my siblings, other people's children, patients, you name it, that's just who I am & how I've been woven. At times it gets a bit overly, overly as because of it going so way back I have a tendency to "feel" responsible even when I'm not. In life we have these lessons, that's just one of mine that I constantly work on.

My commitment to adopting a new pet certainly is an extension of all of that, but there's even more involved here. When my father passed on in '94, the need was re aroused, some of our children were still rather young, & I wanted to be sure that I didn't in anyway impede them from developing their own views of life by exploring & expanding their own individual worlds by becoming more protective then I all ready was, so I adopted a puppy back then. It was of course a lot of work, but fun, & my family enjoyed her company too. She's been gone from us for several years now, she too in dogie years became weak, old & ill. Our family is grown now, I'm even a grandmother & enjoying "all" of it, & of course always working on my concerns for as I said my sense of concern & responsibility is a scad overly developed, but time heals all wounds & I am most whole. We are empty nester's now, with one, or a few of our family members coming back for day, or extended visits depending on the event & variables from time to time. No matter what, my dna has me mapped first & foremost as the overly protective Mom & now of course, for the next generation, being the Nana I am. So why not a dog? I say, it's a win, win for all. My protectiveness nature becomes redirected in a more positive & productive way, having a cute, new friend, one that is loyal, & protective, well it's a nice balance to have & the added exercise though achey & exhausting at first, in the long run, creating a deep nonverbal friendship for me, is most heartfelt-- a lifetime quest of healing the heart.

Now it's that dogie smell, I must learn to solve.

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