Thursday, April 29, 2010
Late Night, Early AM Thoughts That Keep Me Up--
I realized tonight, that unless I resolve some very important issues, this sensation of treading water will only make me more & more tired. True thoughts can change moment to moment. One can be driving in their car changing the station on a radio band, going from song to song, searching for just the right tune, the right lyrics, that perfect mode to accompany a ride, lost in one's own mind, the landscape & the sky, & then there it is, that perfect civilized pause, all the cars gently stop, a limo with an escort so late in the morning, and then it hits me. A funeral procession, no hearse mind you, just cars, all traveling together, twenty or more. My eyes become moist, alone in my car, feeling so very sad & connected to these mourners in those brief minutes. What is wrong with me I wonder, why do I get this way? Why do I care? Yet I know at that very moment why I do. That procession is all of us, respectfully, marking time, in remembrance.
There has never been that purely perfect time in my life to take a chance, to make a change, yet I feel very certain that this is what I am intended to do. A time to be decisive regarding what direction to go, as treading water will keep one alive & afloat only for so long. Nights such as these are good for thought, but not very restful, yet useful.