My Grandson, Just One Of Many Reasons For Peace*

One Woman's Search For Her Truth*

I haven't blogged since mid May as I was relucent to share any of my inner most thoughts for some time--  So many reasons of course for as with anyone much of our inner lives are personal & profound due to our relationships with what some may term as our higher selves, I refer to this as my relationship with God.  I was raised in the Jewish faith & come from a long line of people who lived in Austria-Hungry, Russia, Poland, Spain & eventually the United States from where I was born & raised.  I'm a typical,  yet non typical baby boomer-- a lot of what I experienced growing up could be a chapter from Howard Fast's novel "The Outsider", an excellent short novel of his which pretty much touches on my parents situation after WW ll.  It must have been most challenging for them raising a young family first in the Bronx, NY & then in a small working class town outside of Hartford, Ct.  We moved quite a bit during those formative years of my childhood & I know it was most difficult for my mother a rather Billy Joel kind of-- "Up Town Girl", she was from Brooklyn & my father was from the Lower Eastside of NY, both very historic these home towns of my parents.  I have memories of one of my early address's--  Trinity Avenue the Bronx, NY, it was a good place to live, & as a little girl with my curly brown hair could have recited the line --"just right" in regards to my early life in the Bronx.  I attended PS27 for the first half of Kindergarten before moving to Connecticut-- right after this Constitution State's historic flood of the mid 1950's.  I can recall being shown the new dike which was within walking distance of the garden apartment complex in which we were living, it was a hugh grass covered embankment created to hold back the river in future flood times. All I knew then was that it was a major flood & the dike would  keep us safe which was good to know for we lived so close to the Connecticut River.  I've had many an address change since then-- New Britain, Ct.,  Skowkie, Il. & then back to East Hartford as per my father's job & my parents choice of housing local had us dotting about a bit on the map.  The good part was I learned to be adaptable as being the new girl in the neighborhood & classroom was of course challenging, but socially it all worked well.  Academics was a different story as it was then that my relationship with mathematics got jolted out of sequence.  I manage fine now in the numbers world, but to this day it's like a Ringo Starr song which makes me chuckle-- "It Don't Come Easy..." I do love Ringo what a talented spirit!      

On May 29th of this year I turned 59, true I've struggled in the numbers game since age 9 or so as I mentioned earlier, but not enough to make me oblivious to their importance.  This I feel has become my coming to terms year:  A lot of what I've been forced to come to terms with as I shared earlier is most personal, as why muddle the waters--- all I can say is that our childhoods do travel with us throughout our lives, like a river--  & everyone has something they are either working on to overcome, or to improve upon in their lives & their characters, our collective-- human condition. One of my long time favorite playwrights is Eugene O'Neil.  Some scenes from his play "Long Days Journey Into Night"  though as vividly wretched as some of those scenes are, they hit home in a way that not even Shakespeare touches upon for me.  Here I  am now, finally,--  learning to come to terms with my own mother's illness--  how it affected my childhood family-- my grown siblings & myself.  It does color one's world in a most interesting way.  All I can simply say is-- "Thank God for the arts & Thank God for God & all of God's Blessings*----

"Lot's Life"

Say these words..........

may I be blessed, 

Say these words is it a test---

Say these words my heart does heal

Say these words we do not kneel

Say these words we stand so tall

Say these words it strengthens all  

Say these words God transcends all

Say these words in "Days of Awe",

Say these words we need God's Ark

Say these words when paths seem dark,

Say these words & never fear

Say these words for God is near:

"God is great

 God is good"

treat each other as we should.

God does care when we do fall

Heals the sick & loves us all

God doth teaches-- 

use your heart

use your mind,

use your spark,

Use compassion

reject hate

embrace kindness

know one's fate

Know that lots are random picks

& are truly measured sticks,

know the sword is a stick too

made of metal-- a forged tool

Know we're granted wisdom, choice

yet the fool doth has their voice.

Listen deep, & listen hard

Listen to the great beyond....

          ***Amen***

The Answer To My Thoughts Have Been-- "Blowing In The Wind"

Yes, for sure, for sure-- it occurred just a few minutes ago--  I was standing by my window, gazing out, the same window that my children looked out on, the window that looks upon my garden with it's flowers & it's gentle views, & now for our grand children too-- truly one of my favorite perches here up on our slope.  The wind was blowing ever so rapidly, toss ling trees, gale forces at times, then of course abated just as rapidly--- these thoughts occurred & my questions were answered:

We, all of us, our species, all species-- creatures on earth, air & in water, all plants & living things past & present--  We are All part of a of a Higher Plan.  Not an original thought of course, for thoughts are never purely original.   I enjoyed the movement of watching those massive trees--  sway, dip, russle, tussle their branches & there it came--  a thought I didn't even know existed in my mind at that moment--- Yes we are part of a greater plan, those trees, they all have *roots, otherwise they would be crashing & falling quite rapidly.  It all in that moment came to me, call it evolution, call it science, call it whatever humankind chooses to call it, that is not the question-- what the wind told me in those brief seconds is something we've all intuitively known forever.  We are *all part of a plan that is ever greater than all the thinkers to ever be compiled.  We are & have always been part of the universe, including those galaxies-- far, far, away.  "Peace, Love & Understanding", is truly the key to continue-- we must never give up hope, for we can continue to-- heal the world.  & yes there are other worlds out there, our true test, is to see how we take care of this one--  A most delicate balance.   

*Amen*

* [russle is not a real word, but I chose to use it just the same]  Oye, now that's a word.

Mothers Day 2008*

Yesterday was Mothers Day of course.  I received greetings & all that goes with Mothers Day in relationship with my sons, & also acknowledging & honoring my own mother.  I recall one of my son's s interesting emails of last year, explaining how the origins of Mothers Day came about in a response to the U.S. Civil War, [note how I said U.S. , for the US- us hold no exclusively to war per say.  It kind of reminds me of a song from the 60's [of course, when else...] ,"Mother says there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this mother says...." So from a protesting response to war, we now have Mothers Day--- a very, very, fitting response, indeed, no need to explain....

Thirty-five years ago today I too joined the ranks of--  "Modern Day Mom", our eldest son was born one day before Mothers Day, he's now-- "Married With Children." & love it, I do, yes I do! It is just about the hardest job I can think of.  We had been married for several years & I was so the typical yuppie, before there were yuppies-- shopping, consuming keeping that commercial economy$ going & going....  & then the economics of it all changed.  We became a family of three, on one income, with far more expenses then when we were merely a family twosome. From the moment in the delivery room--- all natural, of course [nothing but the purest & best for our babinos] , to the preschool, grammar school, high school & college years.  It was the most challenging thing my husband & I ever did in our lives--- ultimately raising "Our Three Sons", & no matter any of the other pluses we may have experienced in our lives, I know speaking for not only myself, but my husband too--- nothing, nothing on this earth has ever given us the heartfelt satisfaction as raising our family has.  It's that boundless love & with that we've overcome much.

Yesterday our youngest son graduated from the University of Connecticut, it was a joy to have this landmark now as part of our family history--  & he's a History major!  The road was windy, yet he persevered & found his way-- "Was willing to do the hard work.",  as his grand father used to say.  The graduation ceremony had it's lovely points of course, & as far as family & friends go, for we were thrilled as others on the bleachers were to be celebrating in that special collective moment, in time. Yet on the other hand, I could not ignore what it was that seemed unjust-- for 4 admission tickets per graduate were issued yet not enough printed programs-- our highly esteemed state university preferred to spend it's money on events marking the inauguration of it's newest president Michel Hogan to the tune of $170,000. dollars.  I've never been much of a mathematical thinker, but I do know that UCONN has a Math Department.  It just doesn't seem balanced, as the state of Connecticut has numerous problems in our capital City of Hartford, in regards to it's educational system, along with other inner cities of our beloved state.  When I go into Htfd. it breaks my heart to know a lot more could be done to nurture these children, to help the families create a more fertile ground so their children can also become college graduates some day.  I guess UCONN is really one of those party universities we hear so much about & not always to the benefit of it's students.  What a message this university is giving out---  give $ give $ give, at the expense of the tax & tuition payers.    

I've been told repeatedly that Connecticut is one of the richest states in the U.S. , I wish we could lead in ways that would benefit the Children--- That's what Mothers Day is all about. Well I've sent a version of this opinion to the Hartford Courant, it will be interesting to see if they publish it.  I'll keep you posted.

We'll just keep on keeping on, & as mothers in this world--  continue to do our very best to shed light on these important issues of concern, & as we eventually enter our 60's we will continue to revive the principles of the 60's of-- "Peace, Love & Understanding".

 

This May Afternoon*

Lilacs bloom to their own tune,

it means that spring has not been ruined.

A war is raged against our will,

the cost is priceless, endless ills.

I think of You and how you serve,

of this our country's leaders herd--

their tunes of war they roll their drums,

yet Tolstoy's  "War and Peace", not done.

It takes a Village with a voice,

to ring out truth, explain the cost--

of weapons far and weapons near

the cost computes they do not hear.

My village is the globe, it's heart

I hear it's cry, I see it's spark

I know it's truth, I know not all

I only know that war is wrong.

                     

 

*The Five Year Anniversary Of This Iraq War*

On this special day my comments are brief yet consistent:  I will forever believe that human beings have choices-- kindness over evil, truth over lies.  When I was a young nursing student at Hartford Hospital in the late 1960's one of the formulas that was taught to us in a Pharmacology course in order to come up with a correct medication dose was the formula of-- desire over have [noted as d/h].  It has now been decades since I've worked in any hospital setting & have not needed to access the hows of this formulation. It has always been said in the Nursing Profession-"You loose what you don't use.", nonetheless I do put to use aspects of that formula when problem solving on a much different level.  For today the topic is timeless-- "War & Peace", a topic far older than any of us on this planet.  We desire peace & we have the ability to make this happen. 

Human beings will forever desire & yearn for peace, that is our purest & most natural state.  At this time in history may the families, friends & loved ones of the dearly departed we honor & remember today-- find comfort & peace in knowing that the people of this United States of America will forever hold their loved ones in a very special place of honor, respect & love.  

*Amen*  

March Winds*

Life for me at times is often like these March winds.... turbulent & unpredictable, as nature can be.  The reasons for this, for each of us are individual & personal, yet the winds present their patterns as they circle our globe, as so do our unique makeups.  We will forever be the compilations of who we once were as children & who we've evolved to become-- always becoming,  always moving-- our moving forward in the sands of time, the rings in a tree-- we are of them, they are our silent witness.  Our time here is of course momentary [on a universal scale that is] & not so unlike the heaving & flustered rustlings of our trees along the walking paths & deep in our woods.  Different yet still alike.  Alike in the way we too are forced to move with the winds, to not be too stiff or rigid, or we too heave & break from forces stronger then ourselves.  We too are of nature, which includes of course our natural natures within.  

In my observations of nature including the plantings & growing of a garden, what I've learned is a reflection & a reminder of how it is I live.  It's been about a decade since I've begun this gardening journey & with every season there is something special to appreciate & to learn.     Spring for me is the best, for it is with spring we regain that hopefulness of revisiting what we already know is simple, yet complex in beauty & charm.  No matter the winters we've come from & no matter the shadows of our former selves, we are renewed with the promise & hope of sunnier days & gentle yet beautiful colors to come.

As I slowly make progress in weeding out the excess of inner clutter including the dust that collects & is a continued challenge, all it takes is a walk outdoors, feeling the crisp air or rearranging some decorative gardening stakes or funky sculptures I've acquired, even assembled.  All reminders of the peace & enjoyment of a childhood past-- those limited sandbox days with just the right amount of water mixing into mud, all just so-- to create a child's view, my view of perfection, a masterpiece.

Daffodil spotting's have been discovered in newly planted spots, new since yesterday.  The plan here is to learn how to up load my photos into this computer, & to then learn how to in bed them into this ongoing Blog, which of course is a main aspect of what is intended--to continue to learn new things.  On today's walk I told my husband that one of the main childhood stories that says it for me on many aspects is "The Little Engine That Could",  for as unique as we all are, we've all climbed & continue to climb our series of mountains & hills--"I think I can, I think I can." Life of course is not intended to remain child's play, but it is the lessons of our childhoods that can continue to serve us well if we are willing to take heart & to grow, in the unique ways we are intended to as individuals.   One size will never fit all, just as there is no quick fix to creating a lasting peace.  It does & always has begun with the individual, to the treating of our own selves with dignity & respect for in that way it is a natural to give it to others.  Creating healthy families, healthy households that are capable of going forth in a positive way, hopefully it is a positive in the & healing our world.  Whoever our next president is may their problems in childhood been overcome, for we've seen what we've gotten from an individual who's remains laden with unresolved family issues-- & how they've taken these dysfunctions onto the world stage.  So many a world leader has been cast from these molds.  The history of the history.  Yet it is approaching springtime & we can remain hopeful--- good will always beget good as humankind will forever reap what it is we sow. We are fortunate in many ways, & though in the past we may have wondered how can one person's vote count, we now know it definitely does.  Let us count for something good & awaken from this long winter knowing we can make this better-- in our own lives, with our families, our towns, our state, our country & yes the world.  Once a child of the 60's we are that forever-- we are positive thinking people  & "Flower Power" for spring or any season's fashion-- will never go out of style! 

I wish you all a gentle end to this year's winter & the fulfillment, joy & hope of our coming spring.